The
Written Word
Always Seeking
As I was, I am, and I always will be
seeking, looking for something else, something new, and something that
is not there. Perhaps the mere act of searching is in itself finding.
When we seek enlightenment, we are enlightened. These words have a
profound truth to them. A truth that we would all benefit from, if we
could hear there meaning.
What it is that I am searching for in its entirety, I cannot be completely sure, but I think basically, it is a simple quest. Over the years my search has been manipulated and damaged slightly on the surface, but after analyzing the core it is just happiness that I seek. I think we all are just trying to pursue true and complete happiness.
I am a seeker of pleasure and the world is full of beauty and sensual delights. As long as some basic rules of morality are observed, we are free to seek all the pleasure we want. Seeking happiness through pleasure is not wrong, but it only satisfying the surface cravings. True happiness is found in a stronger, more healing dose through forgiveness, caring, love and understanding.
Although I have always been trudging along this route, I am just now truly becoming aware of the meaning and accepting it with no reservations. It takes a lifetime to cement the dirt path of who and what we are. I have well passed the halfway point and just now starting to put the quest for understanding my life into some type of chaotic order. Order for my chaos, but still far from a true meaning and understanding. There is nothing wrong with this, looking and searching is what keeps the journey alive and real.
I had counsel the other day with a like-minded person that, along with some type of meaning and understanding, is seeking something from the presence in life. I hope that some of my thoughts and words will provide insight to a path they may fallow, because it gave some light to mine. By opening up in the conversation, and in some way trying to give an insight, I had a realization of my own. A strong recollection from my past emerged, one that is embedded deeply in me. It is part of who I am and how I deal with certain aspects of my life.
When I was in my teens and still living at home, I lived two lives, one at home and another away from home. When I was away from home, I was a seeker always looking for something new and learning that every action causes a reaction. I was labeled an anti-conformist because I looked for new, different and questioned everything. I was a developing individual not willing to fall prey to the way I saw society moving.
To survive when I was at home and survive through the restrictions put on the youth of the time, I retreated into my mind and thoughts. I put up walls to protect the life I was learning, living and wanting to explore. I lived and flourished in my mind. My thoughts, my meditations, my developing persona, and what I thought life meant were kept safe and hidden from parental guidelines. On the exterior, I was portraying a fascade of this good, healthy unique kid that did what was expected and correct. This falsehood could not last forever and it did not. It seventeen I imploded and set out on my own, not to seek fame and fortune. I did not care about the pot of gold. I wanted to find life and live it. That overpowering feeling is still present; I want to live life hard.
Now, decades later I find myself performing life in a similar fashion. I have a two-part role, one on the surface that people see, and the other one that is closer to the person that I really am. I have tried hard to combine the two and in many ways I have, but my inner person knows what still needs to be added and removed to make me the whole person that I really am. Is this what life is about? Over the course of years we try to merge all our characteristics of life, putting them together for easy transport to the next life. To be true to myself I have to loose the elements that separate me from being me, so then and only then will I be the person that I am. The person content being where they are, who they are, and what they are doing.
This is nothing new, or unique to the way I live, or deal with life's obstacles. I think we all live some type of a double life, which also means we are living a life incarcerated by a double standard. There is no reason for this entrapment. Society forces us to conform to what they want us to be, rather then letting us develop into the person that we want to be. It is not easy to find and except the person we are, and it is harder to keep that person alive. Being the person that we truly are is the only aspect of life we do can have full control over, we should not relinquish it to the ideals of others.
What it is that I am searching for in its entirety, I cannot be completely sure, but I think basically, it is a simple quest. Over the years my search has been manipulated and damaged slightly on the surface, but after analyzing the core it is just happiness that I seek. I think we all are just trying to pursue true and complete happiness.
I am a seeker of pleasure and the world is full of beauty and sensual delights. As long as some basic rules of morality are observed, we are free to seek all the pleasure we want. Seeking happiness through pleasure is not wrong, but it only satisfying the surface cravings. True happiness is found in a stronger, more healing dose through forgiveness, caring, love and understanding.
Although I have always been trudging along this route, I am just now truly becoming aware of the meaning and accepting it with no reservations. It takes a lifetime to cement the dirt path of who and what we are. I have well passed the halfway point and just now starting to put the quest for understanding my life into some type of chaotic order. Order for my chaos, but still far from a true meaning and understanding. There is nothing wrong with this, looking and searching is what keeps the journey alive and real.
I had counsel the other day with a like-minded person that, along with some type of meaning and understanding, is seeking something from the presence in life. I hope that some of my thoughts and words will provide insight to a path they may fallow, because it gave some light to mine. By opening up in the conversation, and in some way trying to give an insight, I had a realization of my own. A strong recollection from my past emerged, one that is embedded deeply in me. It is part of who I am and how I deal with certain aspects of my life.
When I was in my teens and still living at home, I lived two lives, one at home and another away from home. When I was away from home, I was a seeker always looking for something new and learning that every action causes a reaction. I was labeled an anti-conformist because I looked for new, different and questioned everything. I was a developing individual not willing to fall prey to the way I saw society moving.
To survive when I was at home and survive through the restrictions put on the youth of the time, I retreated into my mind and thoughts. I put up walls to protect the life I was learning, living and wanting to explore. I lived and flourished in my mind. My thoughts, my meditations, my developing persona, and what I thought life meant were kept safe and hidden from parental guidelines. On the exterior, I was portraying a fascade of this good, healthy unique kid that did what was expected and correct. This falsehood could not last forever and it did not. It seventeen I imploded and set out on my own, not to seek fame and fortune. I did not care about the pot of gold. I wanted to find life and live it. That overpowering feeling is still present; I want to live life hard.
Now, decades later I find myself performing life in a similar fashion. I have a two-part role, one on the surface that people see, and the other one that is closer to the person that I really am. I have tried hard to combine the two and in many ways I have, but my inner person knows what still needs to be added and removed to make me the whole person that I really am. Is this what life is about? Over the course of years we try to merge all our characteristics of life, putting them together for easy transport to the next life. To be true to myself I have to loose the elements that separate me from being me, so then and only then will I be the person that I am. The person content being where they are, who they are, and what they are doing.
This is nothing new, or unique to the way I live, or deal with life's obstacles. I think we all live some type of a double life, which also means we are living a life incarcerated by a double standard. There is no reason for this entrapment. Society forces us to conform to what they want us to be, rather then letting us develop into the person that we want to be. It is not easy to find and except the person we are, and it is harder to keep that person alive. Being the person that we truly are is the only aspect of life we do can have full control over, we should not relinquish it to the ideals of others.